“Sticks and stones may break my bones, but words will never hurt me.”
It’s a common childhood chant that I soon learned was a lie as I grew older.
In society, domestic violence was once perceived only as a physical confrontation between individuals, until others begin to understand it’s not just what you do but it’s also what you say that can have the greatest impact.
As a child, it wasn’t the physical pain I suffered, it was the humiliation I experienced throughout grade school that caused me to form an underlying dislike about myself.
From the laughs about my weight, to the insults of my appearance it became a tough mental showdown to overcome. Little did I know, this was my introduction to what many call today mental abuse.
It is said this is mental abuse is one of the hardest forms of abuse to recognize and, well, I can believe that. It can be subtle and insidious or overt and manipulative. No matter what, it will leave you feeling trapped in a pool of self-doubt and constant thinking.
This form of abuse is also dangerous because you can easily façade how you feel to make others believe you are just fine—which is a common tactic for many, including myself.
I used to have a bad habit of compressing my feelings and holding in things that needed to be discussed. It wasn’t that I didn’t have anyone to turn to, I just didn’t know who else could relate to my story given that I was just a kid in middle school.
It’s easy to close up, it’s comforting to “just deal with it” but it’s not healthy to continue the cycle of mental instability because that will lead you to having toxic traits.
Thankfully, I had the support system and the outpouring love of my family to help me regain my confidence as I transitioned to high school and then to college.
Now, I’m encouraging you to reclaim your life by taking control! Here’s how:
Make your mental and physical health a priority. Stop worrying about impressing the person who did you wrong. Take care of yourself and focus on you. Do something that will help you think positive and affirm who you are. Whether its journaling, going out more with friends, having a pamper day just for you—find time to cater to yourself because you are all you have! Also, be sure to rest adequately and eat healthy meals to boost your proactivity which could help you deal with day-to-day stresses of emotional abuse.
Stop blaming yourself. If you have encountered emotional abuse for any amount of time, you may believe that there is something wrong with you. Well, I’m here to say its not you, its them. My mom once told me “people talk about you because they want to be you” and when I realized that, I no longer had to blame myself. Moral of the story: you are not the problem, so stop blaming yourself for something you have no control over.
Build a support network. Stop being silent about the abuse you are experiencing. Talk to a trusted friend, family member or even a counselor about what you are experiencing. Take time away from the person that triggers your self-esteem and surround yourself with people who care for you and support you without feeling alone. Lastly, visit the Latasha Norman Center where free counseling services are offered for students who need help or simply just someone to talk to.
Remember, the first step to personal growth is making strides to become the best version of yourself!
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