Mark Braboy
Blue & White Flash / Staff Writer
Ladies and Gentlemen, today is Valentine’s Day. It is very important that you know your standing with the woman or man of your dreams. Does that person feel the same feelings as you do? Or do you find yourself stuck in the dreaded Friend Zone?
For those who may not be familiar with the term, the Friend Zone is when a person is infatuated with another person, but that same person does not feel the same as you do. Therefore, in order to spare hurt feelings, one person decides to keep a plutonic relationship. In other words, they are strictly friends and nothing more.
Unless those feelings are mutual, being stuck in the Friend Zone is a severely demoralizing and frustrating experience. The impact may vary according to gender.
Melisha Grayson, a senior English major from Jackson, Miss., said: “It’s kind of like letting somebody down easy. Like, I’ll still talk to you, hang around you, and be friends with you, but I’m going to keep you in this little box so that the feelings you have for me romantically can’t go any further than that.”
Cedric Sorreles, a sophomore psychology major from Greenville, Miss., offers a different perspective.
“When a guy puts a girl in the friend zone, it’s more of a companionship just to have that close friendship, like somebody you can talk to (because) not all dudes want to just talk to their boys at all times. At the same time, a guy also needs that sexual friend. Girls don’t always want that from a dude, but a dude feels that she can be my friend, but we can have sex too and girls don’t always like that because all girls weren’t taught that.”
People end up in the Friend Zone for many reasons. The most common ones are because of bad timing. For example, that person being in a committed relationship, has internal issues, or simply they are not in the position to be in a relationship right now. Therefore, it is possible that your time in the Friend Zone could be limited as long as you show that you genuinely care for them.
However, being in the Friend Zone could mean that there may be something that the person does not like. Depending on the person, it could be for superficial and/or non-superficial reasons, based on their personality. The average person could put you in the Friend Zone because of either lack of quality hygiene, lack of conversation skills, incompatible personalities, unattractive either internally or externally, excessive use drugs and alcohol, having a stalker vibe, and in some cases, being too nice (showing lack of a backbone) or too mean (showing lack of a heart) for your own good.
Samantha Smith, a sophomore accounting major from Milwaukee, Wis., said: “(I would put a guy in the Friend Zone based on) how he responds to certain situations I tell him because I have a male best friend and he didn’t start as a best friend. He was actually a dude I was talking to but we just got along like brother and sister. He always gave me advice and he would call and ask me for advice about other girls.”
It is not difficult to determine whether or not you are in the Friend Zone. First, you must be honest with yourself and whatever progress you have made with that person. Then, figure out what their body language and reactions tells you, because sometimes those speak louder than words. Alternatively, it is better to communicate with that person and have an open mind.
There are ways to escape the Friend Zone and all of those take communication, honesty, and patience. All of these steps include: being honest to the person about your intentions from the beginning, a willingness to fix whatever fatal flaw you may have, being selfless towards the person you have feelings for, playing your position as a friend, knowing how to deal with rejection, and most importantly, showing growth as a man or woman.
Michael Wilson, a sophomore history education major from Vicksburg, Miss., said: “Usually what puts you in the Friend Zone is that a girl likes you as a person but the things that she absolutely wants in a man, you don’t show. So as you begin to grow and mature and become a stronger man maybe she’ll see those traits and those emotions will start to change.”
He added: “Your presence becomes different. When she sees you’re more supportive and strong, and ya’ll are already friends, [it will have an effect]. The only way to get out of the friend zone is to grow with that person, allow that person to see your growth, and to fall in love. Love is the only thing that will come from that.”
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