William H. Kelly III
Associate Editor
Drake sang it best when he said, “We live in a generation of, not being in love, and not being together. But we sure make it feel like we’re together. Cause we’re scared to see each other with somebody else.”
I can attest to the fact that these lyrics are truthful and sadly apply to the 90s babies. I’m no expert on relationships, human involvement, and whatever else applies when evaluating human behavior, but I can use my experiences to attempt to explain.
I grew up on the Southside of Houston, the ghetto, the hood, whatever you prefer to call it, where you’re taught to be tough and being friendly is not an option, especially in H-Tine.
I’ve always been the happy, loving, helpful person, with a huge smile on my face. They even called me “Sunshine” in middle school because of this. Now let’s fast forward past all of the hurt, neglect, bullying, and everything else that possibly contributed to the heartless person that I am today.
As humans, I observed that we naturally build emotional defenses and adapt to forces that impact us too often. Think back to how you once interacted with people compared to how you currently involve yourself, there’s probably a huge difference.
Depending on your influences and personal experiences growing up, you probably wouldn’t even recognize yourself; occasionally “catching yourself missing you.” At this point, you’re probably curious as to where I am going with this.
After so many heartbreaks from people you think you “love”, you eventually develop an abrasive side that enhances your trust issues and so much more as a defense mechanism.
Deep down you are still yearning for love and attention, simply because, as humans, we desire to be loved and cared for by others. But as a result of being betrayed, you develop other ways of getting your desired attention without being hurt in the end.
This is where Drake’s lyrics stated at the beginning come into play. You have these semi-official relationships with potential lovers, yet you remain single in order to prevent being heartbroken and distraught once they leave.
While having a significant other, temporary or intentionally forever, can be a wonderful feeling, nothing is more rewarding than loving yourself. Often I hear people say how they want to find a husband or wife while in college, which is understandable until it begins to control your life.
Too often I see posts referring to marriage, committed relationships, or those “I’m tired of looking for love,” posts from people my age or younger, just to name a few.
Our generation becomes so overworked by these relationship goals posts and false advertising couple pictures displaying their “happy” relationships that we forget to cater to ourselves. Once we are able to do this, the person meant for us will show up without intentionally searching and forcing artificial relationships.
This Valentine’s Day, for those who may be lacking a companion, consider spending the day with close friends or even splurging on you just as a reward for achievements and personal goals.
After all, if you don’t love yourself, no one else will!
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